The Crapple direPhone 4

New Year’s Eve was coincidentally the last day of my mobile phone contract.

Only a matter of time

This made me excited, because the hour you spend in store upgrading is the only time a network will treat you with dignity and respect and, to be honest, I’ll take a little bit of love wherever I can find it.

So I trotted along to the T-Mobile store and after 60 minutes of being called ‘bruv’, I trotted home again with a shiny new iPhone 4.

This was an easy choice because I am in the thrall of Demon Prince Steve Jobs, being one of those smug people that Charlie Brooker hates for saying “Macs just work”.

And so it was with the iPhone… It just works. I had an HTC before, which in contrast, only just worked, and so the iPhone was at first a joy to use.

And then I realised it is possessed. By the spirit of a lemming.

My iPhone 4 falls off of everything I put it on. Flat level table? Falls off. Arm of the sofa? Falls off. Desk? Falls off.

It has come to the point now that every time I sit down, there is an expensive sounding thunk a few seconds later as my phone throws itself to the floor. Much to the amusement of my iPhone-hating colleague.

I think Apple have managed to engineer it so perfectly that it doesn’t work in the real world – it is so flat that a little cushion of air gets trapped beneath, and it hovercrafts off of even the flattest surface.

And it is made almost exclusively out of glass – there is no way this thing is going to last 18 months.

Anyway, as you can tell, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the bar industry, aside I suppose from the fact that lots of bartenders have iPhones.

Does yours do it? Or am I the proud owner of a suicidal mobile phone?