The Alternative Bar Awards 2012 – Live Results Update

BarLifeUK will be on-site at the Portobello Star tonight, posting results of the Alternative Bar Awards as they are announced.

Refresh this page from 8pm UK time onwards to find out who has been humiliated for what, and why…


8pm: We are here, the bar is filling up and the drinks are flowing.

9pm: Jake Burger has just appeared in a black sparkly jacket. The bar is packed. Lift off is iminent.

9:10: Opening remarks from Jake. Some Australia-bashing and Nightjar whale skin gags.

9:14: Best Gay. Noms Joe McCanta, Ali Dedianco, Andy Bishop, Joe Stokeo. Winner Andy Bishop

9:16: worst toilets: noms Trailer Happiness, Mojo Manchester, The Alibi. Winner – tte alibi

9:18: best newcomer: toby @ Lonsdale, seb hamilton mudge, Luca @ Quo Vadis. Winner: seb hamilton mudge

9:21: most tolerable foreigner: noms: fabrice pierre limon, jeffery morgan, michael menegos, stuart mcluskey. Winner: Fabrice

9:24: least torerable foreigner noms brian van flanden, philip duff, stuart hudson. Winner stu hudson

9:28: look at me im a hipster noms jake blanch, nick and georgia van tiel, joe gunner. Winner mr and mrs van tiel

9:31: biggest assets: noms emily wheldon, metinee @ 42 below, charli davis. Winner charli davis

9:31: most active in our industry. Noms russel burgess, ron jeremy, stu mcclusky, jack hubbard. Winner jack hubbard

9:39: crying like a baby. American and australia, andy ives. Winner our very own andy ives

9:42: worst tattoo. Noms Michael stringer, alexx m, pj jaurre, 56 twata who got employees only tattoos in new orleans. Winner pj jaurre

9:45: stupidest name: noms: shervene shabazcardi, metinne kingkongcarrilla, steve schneiderhavingalaugharentya, zdennekkkkkk kastnnnekkkkekk. Winner: metinee ‘may’ 42belowarilla.

9:48: shut up and make a fucking negroni: rod eslnmieh, guiseppe gonsalez, tony conigliaro, gareth evans. Winner: gareth evans.

9:53: drinks to die for…: the artesian, the connaught bar, employees only, bar bigh five. Winner: oscars of chester

10:00: the tom sandham memorial award: noms: drinks international, all of the bloggers, ben mcfarland: winner: all of the bloggers.

10:16: ex-pat award. No noms just a winner mr gaz ‘i’m 61 you know’ regan

10:17: fittest rep: noms camile oooh la la, blanca breton, rebecca courvoisier, gareth geno, fabrice pierre michel limon. Winner gareth geno

10:22: nicest piece: noms erik lorincz, tom foxwell, peter dorelli, fabrice limon. Winner peter dorelli

10:29: Lifetime underachivement award. No noms just a winner jamie kimber

That’s it folks, another year of pretending to be humiated but secretly feeling quite for proud for getting a nomination or win. we are sorry for poor spelling, grammar and general journalistic shoddiness, but, you know, it would be boring any other way…