Day one; Done.

And……..We’re off. The Bartender Olympics are in full flight. Day one, and two challenges are under my belt, and I must admit it’s a relief to get under way without a major hitch. Major is breaking a glass, completely fluffing a drink, or not getting five drinks out for my speed round.

Yesterday started with the Spice Market challenge for myself and gentlemen from 4 other countries. The drinks that came out, after having only 30 minutes to pick, play, and experiment (sans booze), were of a very high calibre. My drinks were a Ciroc Martini with a homemade, impromptu Vermouth comprised of local spices, and freshly pressed grape juice.

The second I had a bit more fun with. I love fun in drinking, and when I saw Tamarind on the spice table I immediately thought of the delicious Tamarind Cola from Mexico, made by the Jarillo Soft Drink company.

I took the Tamarind, steeped it in hot water with a hint of Lemongrass. Strained the flavoured water off, and added sugar to it for a syrup. I shook a good dose of that Tamarind/Lemongrass Syrup with fresh ginger, Lemon Juice, and Don Juilo Blanco. Charged it with soda and made a collins I called, “Agua de Tamalino” (Tamarind Water). As a homage to the Jarillo company I drew inspiration from, I served it in an empty soft drink bottle, complete with a homemade label.

Salvatore, my judge on this challenge, said only nice things. Phew..

Lastly for the day, my speed round with Dale de Groff went off without any serious problems. 5 drinks, 4 cocktails, in 6 minutes. Sounds easy right!? Hmm, not necesarily. The King of Cocktails was breathing down my neck and doing his best to distract me. I managed to hold my nerve and after completing my four cocktails (Martinez, Tequila Daisy, Vodka Rickey, Zacapa Old Fashioned), I slid my Johnnie Walker Blue label across the bar, just as 6 minutes were up. Dale, was coy about any feedback he gave me. I did however, manage to get a “You did good, kid’ out of him after a few Tanqueray & Tonics at the ‘Tonight we Tanqueray’ party, last night.

All up, i’m 90% satisfied with yesterday. That’s good for me. I’m a really hard judge on myself, and usually find negatives in my performances. This motivates me though.
India is such a beautiful country, and i’ve met some, not only incredible bartenders, but amazing friends. (You should see my facebook account, i’ve got a metric-shit load of new friends).

I’ve got my fingers crossed for my good man Ryan Noreiks, a Brisbane cat, representing China. Good luck to him, and all my other competitors.

So here we are. Light dawns on Day 2 and i’m staring down the barrel of a only one challenge this morning. My Gentlemen’s drink, and Facy drink combo, i’m hoping, will be enough to ‘WOW’ Gary Regan. It’s going to be tough, i’ve seen a lot of great stuff already. A Johnnie Walker Blue Party tonight means the day is only looking better.

Day 2; lets GO!

Here we are. Three challenges down, three to go. Yesterday proved to be another stressful day. Only one challenge in the morning for the competitors. Ms Norway, Mr UK (Scottish really..), Mr Costa Rica, and Mr Dubai, and myself all had the glorious fortune of spending the morning with Gary Regan. I say fortune, and not task, as doing a challenge with Mr Regan is like chilling out at your grandfather’s house. Except your grandfather is actually quite cool, interested in booze, has the best stories, and makes you make him cocktails.

The challenge was to make two drinks with your chosen spirit. For me, it was the Johnnie Walker Gold expression. Make one gentleman’s drink. (Something a gentleman would drink in the 18th-19th Century), and a fancy tipple (something a little fancier). Then do a 20 question exam on that spirit, and blind tasting against its competitors.

The drinks, and performances from all of the competitors were fantastic. Jamie Mac from the UK is some bartender and 15 years of Edinburgh experience was on show for all to see. Therese from Norway does not stop smiling. Her infectious laugh, and personality shines through in her drinks and she really impressed me yesterday.

My cocktails were well received by Mr Regan. After tasting my Gentlemen’s Whisky Sangaree (A simple concoction of Whisky, Port, Lemon peel, Sugar, and Nutmeg), he gave me a wink and told me “It’s f—-n’ awesome”. Good. The fancier tipple of butter heated on a stove with a nutmeg, clove, lemon peel, whisky, port, and caramel, served in a cedar smoked glass. Garnished with my signature Ron Zacapa Eau de Parfum, was similarly well received.

So far it’s impossible to know how I’m going. There is no leaderboard anywhere so your guess is as good as mine. I do know from what I’ve heard around that unlike other years, this is not a 4 or 5 horse race. The competition is strong, and without seeing any of the performances of most of the other competitors, I’m being told be weary of everyone.

Everyone here deserves their spot at the World Class Finals. Each have made it through a tough round of competition in their respective countries and most are seasoned, bartenders. All are, fortunately, great people and company also.

We all love a drink, and were treated to the Global Launch of Johnnie Blue’s new bottle last night. It was a great party. From what I saw. I set myself a 10pm curfew which I kept and made it back to my room, and in bed early.

All up, another great day in Delhi. Two challenges today (Food Pairing in the morning, and Theatre and the Stars challenge in the afternoon). Not to mention a Don Julio Bar safari at night. Day three, bring it on…

Day 3 Wrap Up

Photo courtesy of Ian Burrell

Wow. Things are really heating up now. Day three was another action packed day, with all the competitors doing two challenges. I started off the morning with a food matching challenge, and chose to compliment and contrast cocktails with a quail spring roll canape, and a chocolate cake dessert.

My drinks were OK, I wasn’t completely happy with my performance, and made a few fundamental, rookie errors that let myself down. Note to self: Add hot water after lighting the drink that you are about to blaze on fire. School-boy errors, like I said.

The afternoon had myself, and fellow Aussie and friend Ryan Noreiks in the same group. Ryan moved to Shanghai some time ago and is representing China. His performance for Peter Dorelli, in my opinion, was phenomenal. Drinks, outstanding.

I followed shortly after and really tried to channel the Year 9 Theatre Studies skills I had once perfected. I did a typical, Australian service approach. Saw my customer, tried to connect with them, make them my friend, serve them a fantastic drink, and give them an experience in the bar.

One of my drinks, the “Darker Than Amber” is one im particularly proud of. The task of making a cocktail inspired by a screen legend was the challenge, and my choice to match a cocktail and it’s ingredients to the films of Pam Grier, I thought,  went down a treat. (Recipe Below)

Mr Dorelli, however, did not like the performance as much. In the end he was critical of my service style, and said I rushed him through the experience. Kind of hard to balance when you also have a massive camera, boom mic, and person counting down the minutes in your face. Oh well. No excuses.

Unfortunately due to a bomb in Mumbai, our bar safari was kept to within the confines of the hotel. (Love and good wishes go out to anyone hurt) A Don Julio event after was good fun, with the Gaz Regan’s signature serve being a definite highlight (Blog post to come).

Sharing stories with Gaz Regan afterwards in the hotel bar was hilarious.  A Caol Ila and pint of Stella nightcap was made even sweeter, by having it paid for by the great man himself.
If that doesn’t seem like I’ve been spoiled enough, I got back to my room to find a signed bottle of Ron Zacapa XO from the master distiller, Lorena Vasquez, herself.

SO, with only the classic challenge to go this morning, how do I think I have gone? Well, I’m sorry to disappoint anyone back home, or rooting for me by saying i haven’t won the comp. When I say the competition has been fierce I mean it. There have been people at this competition that have wanted this title more than me.

The German guy, after competing and getting a feel for what was required last year, brought with him three suitcases of equipment. The Japanese guy, has the precision of the finest Samurai sword. And the “Chinese” lad Ryan, is definitely up there.

All of these guys, as well as Jamie from Scotland, Boudy from Sweden, Javier from Ireland, and a handful of others have nailed every challenge.
You know what, i’m Ok with that. I have taken the advice given to me from all the gurus and am happy to say I have improved not only as a bartender, but as a person. I’m not really fussed who wins tonight. Every person, and bartender I have met has been a legend.

If anything, i’m rooting for another Aussie, Ryan.

Like I said at the start of the week. It’s not about winning in this comp. Im definitely a competitive person, but my life does not hang on winning awards. I have an incredible life that I am thankful for every day including a great job, beautiful girlfriend (really, really beautiful), awesome apartment, incredible grandmother, mother and sister, and awesome buddies.
Life’s too short to get hung up on trivial things like results of cocktail competitions.

I raise a glass in your general direction, and look forward to coming home and sharing a drink with YOU soon.

Darker than Amber

• 40ml Ron Zacapa
• 10ml Campari
• 10ml Dubonnet
• 5ml Dark Creme de Cacao

Stir all ingredients, strain over three hand cut ice chunks. Float a Honeysuckle Flavoured Fog over drink.

Day 4 – Not me, sorry..

Japan won. No matter how I say it, It hurts. Yeah I know, I went on and on about it “not mattering”. Meh, evidently it does a ‘lil. I’m a pretty competitive guy. Ever since getting beatin’ up in high school, or not making the better team in under 16 cricket I’ve wanted to win at everything I do. I think it’s almost Australian nature. I’m frustrated. Frustrated I didn’t do my best.

Frustrated at not bloody winning. This post is me ‘Thinking out loud’. I’m not World Class Bartender of the Year.

Thank you for supporting me, thank you for reading. Keep reading.

A great man once said; “I’ll be back”. Actually he weren’t that great either. He was a sex-loving asshole. Oh well. None-the-less, a MAN once said “I’ll be back”, and I’m gunna do that.
This experience has humbled me, made me better, and most of all, spurred me on to kicking ass next year.

Thank you World Class for the experience. Thank you India. Thank you Micky McIlroy from M&H NY for the one word email titled, ‘Loser’. I love you all. See you back home for a drink. Anything but a cocktail thanks…

This blog was written by Tim on the 1st Feb – Ed

There are other types of layback you know...

TO cut to the chase, TODAY  is the first of – what I hope to be – 28 days of sobriety. That’s right, twenty-eight days, or ONE whole month of not having one single alcoholic beverage.

Since the age of my first drunken-ing on Blue Curacao & Lemonade at fifteen I have never gone longer than 13 days without a single drink.

What I’m about to say, I think, is actually quite hard for a professional bartender to say. In fact it hurts me to say I honestly think i’m going to struggle on this mission.

I think I’m addicted to alcohol.

Alcoholism is something that should never be made light of. I KNOW i drink way too much. I have for the last ten years of my life. Do i think i’m an alcoholic?

No. I do however, think i rely on alcohol way too much to get through my life. Work getting you down? There’s a shot of Tequila that will fix that. Night off? Better have a few drinks with friends. Sunday! End of my working week, time to get drunk! Any excuse will do for me.

Am i any different to every other bartender? Probably not. I realise alcohol abuse is the biggest problem in our industry. And to make matters worse it is not only accepted, but in many cases applauded.

It’s a sorry circumstance we find our industry to be in where we honour fellow work mates who are able to ‘drink their face off’ night after night.

I know i should respect alcohol more than i already do. It debilitates souls and families, kills more people each year that all illegal drugs combined and more than everything makes me a less charming and worse human being. Yet i still go back.. Sounds like addiction to me.

However today is a new day, and today is the start of febfast. Although it may not seem like much to my buddies outside of bartending, i’m not going to have a single drink for a month. No ‘get out of jail free’ cards at work, no apologetic-guilt-ridden status updates. I’m going cold turkey!

In part, im doing this for charity. Feel free to donate moolah at http://www.febfastfundraising.com.au/tim_philips. Mostly though, i’m doing this for myself. I’m a stubborn guy and i’m flat-out trying to prove to myself i’m not an alcoholic.

The next month means a lot to me. I know I will do it, and I also know deep down I need to change my drinking habits. I’m 26 and a half now. No more binge drinking on a tuesday night. I’ve realized i’m quite a nice guy without being drunk. Here’s to a new year and a new found respect for the stuff I work with day in, day out. I raise a ‘Shirley Temple’ square in your direction.

Wish me luck….

Opinions are subjective. The way I think a Mojito should be made, may differ from how someone else thinks it should be made. What I think is right, others think is wrong. That’s life, and the world we live in. I like it that way. To paraphrase Groove Armada; “If everybody looked the same, we would get tired of looking at each other…”

Here’s my top-five cocktails of the last 30 years. Recipes are mine and may have been adapted from the original. Photos have been stolen from the world-wide-inter-web.

5. ‘Penicillin’ 

Sam's Penicillin

Maybe I’m slightly biased here as I am well and truly ‘gay’ for all things Sam Ross. On this though, I think i may have a point. Sam came up with this drink in Milk & Honey NY around 2006 to utilise a fairly new staple in cocktail bars; ginger juice. Coupling this with honey, lemon and smokey whisky was something so simple, but so beautiful – and it hadn’t been done before. Sam and the team at M&H NY make so many of these Sam is thinking of changing his name to “Penicillin Ross” by deed poll.

50ml Famous Grouse Scotch
20ml Ginger Juice (Sweetened)
20ml Honey Syrup (3:1)
20ml Lemon Juice
10ml Compass Box Peat Monster
Shaky shaky, serve on a large rock of ice. Garnish with Peat Monster float and candied ginger. 

4. “Bramble”

Dick's Bramble

Probably the least surprising of them all from this list. To new bartenders this one sounds boring. I can already hear them say, ‘Gin, lemon, sugar, blackberries? Whatever! I could of come up with that!’ But really? Really could you come up with a drink so focused on classic mixology in a time where all “Cocktails” were either blended or blue? Dick Bradsell came up with this masterpiece in the 1980′s at Fred’s Bar in SoHo, London. I assume, based loosely around an 1860′s Jerry Thomas recipe for a Gin Fix (Holland Gin, raspberries, lemon, sugar). This drink was the u-turn of how we bartend today. Making bartenders rely on balancing a drink with sweet and sour, rather than just throwing ingredients into a shaker, and hoping the drink comes out Ok.

50ml Plymouth Gin
20ml Lemon Juice
15ml Gomme (1:1)
15ml Creme de Mure (Replace with Blackberries if in season)
Build all ingredients in rocks glass. Float Mure.

3. “Precursory Cocktail”

Is it wrong of me to put one of my own drinks in this list? A little self-promotion never did any harm did it? Plus I’m really proud of this one. I came up with this in 2009 for the CLASS UK Bartender of the Year competition. I think of it as an improvement on the Blackthorne Cocktail (Sloe Gin, Rosso, Lemon, Bitters) from the 1910′s. My love of cheap Tawny Port is no secret and I wanted a way to enjoy it as an aperitif. I’d like to think this cocktail as something you can enjoy any time of the day. Hence the name. It’s pairing of no base spirit and two types of wine is also quite rare. No base spirit means low cost also. Great for your bars’ bottom line. You will have to excuse my vanity in including this one.

35ml Tawny Port
35ml Antica Formula Vermouth
10ml Gomme (1:1)
5ml Lemon Juice
2 dash Fee’s Orange Bitters
2 dash Angostura Bitters
Shake HARD, serve up. Garnish with oil of small lemon peel.

-NO PHOTO- (…sorry…) 

2. “London Calling”

The only drink to appear on every M&H London menu, the London Calling was created around 2002 by Chris Jepson for a Drinks International magazine competition. Utilising London’s, London dry gin (Beefeater), a little sugar and lemon. The drink comes alive when paired with the unfashionable dry sherry and bitters. Nutty, dry, fruity, this drink has it all. A grapefruit-peel garnish is contemporary and perfectly paired. Delicious!

40ml Beefeater Gin
10ml Lemon Juice
10ml Gomme (1:1)
15ml Tio Pepe Sherry (Fresh bottle please)
2 dash Fee’s orange bitters
Shaky, shaky, serve up. Pink Grapefruit peel garnish. 

1. Pharmaceutical Stimulant

Pharmaceutical Stimulant

 (AKA. Vodka Espresso)

Endearingly called the Espresso Martini in Australia, this is the second drink from Dick Bradsell to grace this list. Apparently first made with Tia Maria, apparently first made at Pharmacy (makes sense) in London, in the early 1990′s. Dick has been interviewed saying it was also a creation of his at Fred’s Bar. Regardless of the conflicting etymology this cocktail has to be one of the sexiest drinks of all time. Sleek, and all class. Perhaps Tequila instead of Vodka improves the cocktail? Perhaps Kim Beazley would of made a great prime-minister if he weren’t as generously portioned? I don’t care, I’m happy with the original. Hat’s off to a drink that can be spawned from an ingredient like coffee so commonly found in bars, yet at the time, so rarely used.

35ml Vodka
15ml Kahlua
5ml Gomme (1:1)
30ml Chilled Espresso
Shake in short, hard bursts to achieve maximum foam.

Some Chilean miners were trapped underground and have since miraculously resurfaced. (Personally, I liked them better when they were underground). Paul Hogan turned 71, and there has been a Unicorn sighting in Canada (For those that don’t read thesun.co.uk, It’s true).

Personally, I wrapped up my whirlwind tour of a fantastic New York summer, checked into London for a week to say emotional goodbyes to old friends above the equator, stopped into Australia for 36 hours (enough time for a round of golf in the sunshine, a BBQ, a kick of the football, a game of poker with old buddies and, something I perhaps missed more than life it self, a Red Rooster strip-sub combo), then I flew out to Singapore to do a comprehensive tour, and series of training sessions for some five-star hotels. Phew!

Tim loves his trophy so much he did a drawing of it!

Now I’m back in Australia, sleeping in and enjoying not having a job for now. Things have finally slowed down, and I’ve spent my last couple of days going for runs, making soup, playing with my buddies kid, and drinking lager. As well as this I’m on the net hanging off every piece of information I could get as to who are this years winners at the U.K’s CLASS Bar awards (for the full list of winners click right here – ed).

To start, a few of my good friends were both up for some acknowledgement. Jon Cowley, my old Milk & Honey boss won best Bar Manger for his work at Red Hook. A place that he is not even bar manager at, in a place that isn’t even a bar.

Oh well, well done anyway homie. Another was David Fisher who commendably made the top ten of the Bartender of the Year competition. Bad luck buddy, I was rooting for you. It would of been nice to see another Aussie guy from Milk & Honey bring home the bacon.

You see this competition brings back a lot of memories for me. I won it last year. Some bad, but mostly good. Ill get to that later…

A lot of people ask me what it’s like to compete and be judged ‘Best Bartender in the Country’. A lot of people don’t care. I tell this story to them if they care or not, to anyone that wants to know so i don’t have to tell the story again. Here it is..

Pre-Competition day: A week earlier I had just got back from a junket in Aberdeen. The good people at Chivas Regal had sent me, and Ian Daws from The Player to Scotland to drink whisky, eat, drink whisky, tour distilleries, drink whisky and fortunately for me, find something other than whisky, Pastis, and drink pastis.

My liver had taken a pounding and I got home to find a email telling me I had made the Top-ten of the Bartender of the Year competition. Exciting stuff. The drink I had entered was a all-wine concoction that was adapted from an old Blackthorne recipe. The drink was tasty and I would have to make that for a panel of judges, along with a written exam, and make a classic cocktail for Simon Difford the following Monday.

It was Thursday. In true, “How not to behave a day out from your big day”, I went out on a 24 hour drinking and scrabble bender with Liam Davy. The next morning I awoke, put on my best shirt, and jumped on a bus to London Bridge. The CLASS magazine office.

Competition Day: Eleven bartenders assembled for the top ten competition. Obviously this worried me as I really did not want to have the dis-privilege of finishing 11th in a top-ten competition . None the less, I forged on, sat quietly *head still pounding*, and focused my attention on the 30 question exam that lay in front of me.

At the end of the exam I thought I had done alright. I had also managed to hand in my paper before anyone else. I was still not sure if this was a good thing or bad. The time was up and the guy next to me gave me a look after turning in his as if to say, “Well that’s me done for this year!” They say ‘no question is tough if you know the answer’.

I guess that was the case for me as I was lucky enough for the questions to fall in my favour and get a solid 29/30 for the exam.

The question I got wrong is one ill be kicking myself over forever.

What is the sole grape variety used in the production of Prosecco? Ill let you guys think it over whilst i keep writing..

Next up was the my original drink. “The Precursory Cocktail”. No problems there. I was happy with my drink and excited for the judges to try it.

The last stage was the Classic drink stage. Simon Difford had every competitor make a Daiquiri. Too easy I thought. Straight away my Match Group training taught me to make a 50-20-20 spec. Served up, and unadorned. Then I see bartenders carving ice, reciting Cuban poetry, and using granulated sugar. My geeky bartender side was impressed. I stuck to my uninspired guns and bosh’d out my Match-tastic Daiquiri mumbling something along the lines of, “This is a workers drink, the beauty of it is it’s uncomplicated-complexity”. *Freakin’ GOLD Tim Philips, GOLD!*

The winners would be announced the following night at an awards ceremony in Shoreditch. I thought I had done OK, but not great. My tip for the gong was Charles Vex from Hix to take home the title again. His 37-page Cuban poetry reciting, and ode to the Daiquiri had touched my nerd side and his original drink was triple-tasty.

I looked past his obvious arrogance towards me and the other competitors, and the fact he had snubbed me on our shared bus-ride to the city after the competition. To me it didn’t matter, the guy was good.

Awards Ceremony: Free and freshly made Lynchburg Lemonades became my best friend for a good part of the 90-minute ceremony. I had resigned myself to a humble DNP and had worked myself into a good head of steam by the time my name was called out as the winner of the competition.

If I think back now I can remember flashes of tackling Tom Estes to the ground, getting a handshake from Ago Perrone, telling the crowd in my acceptance speech “I wasn’t worthy”, and using my new trophy as a drinks tray.

The following party again, is a blur. I remember waking up in the corner of Kanaloa, a newly opened tiki club, without my camera and more importantly, my trophy. A quick search found it safely stashed in two convenient pieces behind the bar. That’s right, I had snapped it in half.

The next morning, thinking last night was a dream, I awoke still hugging those two pieces of my trophy and proudly smiled to my housemate, Phil Duffy, that I was the Best Bartender in the UK. He told me I wasn’t even the best bartender in the house. Reality.

A lot in my life has changed for the better in the last year. Maybe people respect me a bit more, maybe I respect myself a little more? I can’t lie to myself and say i didn’t enjoy winning that comp but i must keep telling myself it is just a silly competition. A good friend, who I respect greatly, whom also doesn’t enter cocktail competitions says he; “Wants to remembered for the work he has done, not the awards he’s won”.

A nice throw away line that also rhymes, he’s got a point though.

Congratulations to this years winner Joey Medrington. I know how you feel buddy. I’m happy to pass on my title and tiara over to you. Get ready for being put on a pedestal, never being able to give crap to fellow bartending buddies without them telling you sarcastically how ‘they forgot you were the best in country’, and not being able to drink Kahlua and Milk in public again.

Just remember to never lose your most important bartending attribute, your humility. Awards like this tend to try to take that one away…and always, always remember Prosecco is the grape used is Prosecco production. Idiot.

I’m not, I’ll drink anything. To an extent. In my formative years i was known to take a bottle of cooking sherry to house parties. My first drunkening, at the age of fifteen, which also coincided with the last time i urinated all over myself, was induced by blue curacao & lemonade. (A personal favourite that I continued to drink up until eighteen).

Lando... where's your cape?

I’ve drunk ouzo & coke UDL’s from a beer bong, snakebites from someone else’s plimsoll, snorted tequila, Manhattans from cans, ready-made TGIF long island ice tea mix, and perhaps worst of them all, Woodford Reserve’s Sonoma Curtrer expression. Yuck!

However like I said, I’m more than willing to try almost anything once. And believe me, in the United States there’s a lot to try. So here’s my top-five guide to the worst things to drink when Stateside.

Southern Comfort Lime

Oh Southern Comfort, how I lavished thee with thy lips through out many a underage gathering. Mixed with Orange Juice I still believe thee to be a tasty, refreshing beverage. But LIME? Come on!? Here’s my tasting notes.

Open up to scents of synthetic, medicinal, liquor. Tastes initially of lime cordial, which lingers onto notes of dish water and whisky. Perhaps could be used as a industrial strength fridge cleaner. IE: Not for human consumption.

Miller Genuine Draft 64

There’s something about generic American beer that is different to most other countries generic lagers. It could be the high amount of corn syrup added, or it could even be the fact they don’t actually taste of beer.

Oh, wait I second, I know what it is. There is no goddam’ alcohol in them! America’s -and I’m sure Australia’s- fascination with creating Metrosexual beers has become so rampant that’s its not just the slick-haired, skinny jean brigade knocking them back, but the whole beer-drinking population.

Homeless people, fathers, mothers, and hipsters alike all drink mostly beers without a alcohol statement on them, all badged with the words ‘low Calorie’ and ‘Light.’ Even the already insipid Corona gets the ‘Light’ treatment. The worst of these offenders however, is MGD 64. Only 64 calories per bottle! No alcohol statement means: No alcohol. Sorry.

Pickelback

For the uninformed, a pickleback is a shot of Jameson’s, followed by a shot of pickle brine or ‘juice’. I’m not joking when I say that there ARE actually people who enjoying whiskey with a glass on a preservative, briny, vinegar.

This reminds me of a certain rum company years ago who were trying to get punters to eat a lime wedge dipped in ground coffee after a shot. People did it for a couple of weeks before finally realising it tasted like ass, and the remnants of coffee grinding stay in your teeth all night.

Strawberry Acai Smirnoff Ice

Did you know why no one had ever heard to the Acai berry before a couple of years ago?

It’s because its crap. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Anytime you see a bartender create a drink with a exotic berry or fruit not normally found in drinks, chances are the fruit is not going to taste very nice. Anyone for Dragon fruit Mojitos, or Star Fruit Cobblers? All the good fruits have already been found and are already being used. This includes the Acai berry.

The good people in Belize and Peru must be laughing their ass off that they can off load so much of this stuff up north. This native berry found in Central and South America is tasteless, cheap, and a major food source to many natives. Rumours have been spread in the last decade of it being a weight loss supplement and also adding virility to limp men. None of these claims have been proven.

Now I’ve written in the past for my fondness of pre-mix alcopops. In the right hands of adults these things can be a great way of pranking friends, and providing refreshment at festivals. However, this one has got to be the worst of them all. Think fizzy yogurt. On the bright side after drinking, because of the sugar levels, you can spit down to your toes and suck it back up.

Foster’s

Last but not least I’m going to finish on Australia’s greatest export outside of the Bee Gee’s and Savage Garden.

Surprise, surprise the only Australian beer found commonly over here is Fosters, not only Fosters, but Fosters in a can the size of my head. You know what, I’m sort of OK with the whole just having Foster’s as the only Australian beer found commonly abroad. If I look hard enough for a nice Aussie brew I can still find a bottle shop where i can get Cooper’s, or Boags.

It’s merely the backwards way our countries products continue to market themselves abroad. Yes, I am Australian. NO, Paul Hogan is not the President of Australia. NO, I do not ONLY drink beer from vessels the size of paint cans.
Now, I could go on forever. Like I said there’s a lot to choose from over here. Special mentions go out to ‘Colt 45′ 40 oz Malt Liquor, Ed Hardy ‘Premium’ Lager, and Danny De Vito’s Limoncello, for all being appalling.

America, I love you. There’s so much of you I’m going to miss. I hate to dwell on the negatives, but the future awaits, and with it a day where I caress you with compliments. For now though, I have to get over this stinking hangover, all thanks to the aforementioned products above..

Now where’s my organic, coconut and pomegranate water?

Mmmm. Fishy beer.

BarLifeUK’s Simon Webster would like to ride on Tim’s coat tails with his own addition to this list:

I have many times heard people claim that Budweiser is tasteless, and I discovered in Vegas that the people at Budweiser have apparently heard the same talk.

Did they decide to launch a more hoppy version of America’s ‘favourite’ beer? Nope. Did they look at the production of the brand and decide the original recipe needed tweaking for the 21st century? Nope. Did they think they were making squillions and didn’t care what people said about their brand? Nope.

Did they decide to combine their beer with one of the most disgusting things to grace a glass?

Yep. Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the wonder that is Budweiser and Clamanto (with salt and lime no less). In a fucking pint can! I really don’t need to tell you how it tasted, there are no complex tasting notes to share. Imagine if you will sucking a bloody mary induced vomit through a sock which has been soaking in fish entrails for a week and you are half way there. It did have one positive effect though – I have never complained about Budweiser since.

I’ve now been bartending for eight years. That’s eight years of late nights, getting people pissed and grinding it out. Doing my best to perfect what can best be described as my ‘trade’. You know what, i thought i was nearly there. After earning respect, and working in the best bar in my hometown Melbourne i moved to London to take up a position in one of the toughest and best bars in London. It took a lot to get used to the different ways things were done in comparison to back home.

I don't want a poem, just give me a poxy drink...

After a year or so i felt at home at Milk & Honey London. After 18 months i had got myself to a level where i though would be hard to improve on my trade. Humility went out the window when i was given a shiny doorstop telling me i was U.K’s ‘best’ bartender last year. I kept telling myself to stay humble though and try to spur myself on to keep improving at tending bar and to look for new challenges. So i moved to New York…

Here we are now, four or five shifts into working at my new challenge of taking the knowledge and experience gained in Australia, France, and London and converting it the beast that is Milk & Honey New York. 6 booths, 4 seats at the bar, 34 capacity, 1 bar back, 1 host, 1 on the floor and me. 1 bartender. Sounds easy doesn’t it. However under the tutelage of five-year NY veterans Mickey and Sammy I have been made to feel like an absolute amateur.

‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ comes to mind when thinking of the London habits I need to break to conquer this bar. These are not necessarily right ways for every bar, but the right ways for this bar. I’m used to making certain drinks in certain ways, but there’s none of that here. This bar has developed it own ways to make these drinks, they have to be adhered to and made to the Milk & Honey New York way and spec.

To make things tougher, there’s no menu.

All drinks are recommended by the floor staff to suit the customers mood and tastes. Sammy and Mickey are cocktail historians, this coupled with the eccentricity and boozy-enthusiasm our boss, owner, and mentor -Sasha Petraske- emits means there’s a lot of cocktails being asked of me I’ve never heard of before. “Whats that? You want what?? A Dobbs, Trinity, Ched Baker, and Jui Jui???” I feel like Tom Cruise in ‘Cocktail’ when he’s doing his first shift at TGIF and everyone is asking him for ‘Ding-a-lings’ and ‘Cuba Libres’.

The bit where he is getting swamped, checks the recipe, and finally snaps at the customer by saying ‘A Cuba Libre!? WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST TELL ME IT WAS A RUM AND COKE!?’ is now something i can truly relate to.
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you work is fun for me at the moment. Ive always enjoyed going into work and being personable, charming, and happy. That’s because i’ve generally always been really good at what i do.

This time is different. I’m finding it tough to get used to this bar, and get up to speed with the guys who have been here for five years. I want to be that good. I want to come into work, put on my braces and tie, open the doors and think ‘you know what? It doesn’t matter how many people come through that door tonite, Ive got it covered’.

I’m not there yet. I’m being humbled and having to shut the fuck up when waitresses are giving me shit. That’s bullshit. I’m not the sort of guy that lets smart ass comments from waitresses slide, i’m definitely not letting this bar or city conquer me. I know now what its like to work in the best and toughest bar in the world and i’m going to make it my bitch. I just need to do it before Friday.

I’m doing my first weekend and there will be no ‘eject’ button to push. No Sammy and Mickey to get me out of the weeds. Back to being the new guy, back to basics. Wish me luck..

The other legendary MJ

I guess it’s my job to also. I don’t do it out of chore. I do it because I want to see if my new favourite tipple has been lost in the pages of a 19th century bar manual. I also do it partly because I never want some smart-ass bartender coming into my venue and asking me for a drink I have never heard of – thus making me look like a fool.

There’s a recurring theme with a lot of recipes from yesteryear, and that’s a lot of them will use ingredients in equal parts. Now i’m not sure if this was done through laziness to make drinks simpler for consumers to make themselves, or the respective writers actually thought that these were the best specs.

Now therein lies the problem; Most drinks taste terrible when their ingredients are split into equal measurements. Actually, maybe i’m being dramatic. Not terrible, but not the best.
I have searched far and wide to find drinks recipes that taste the ‘ideal’ way when their ingredients are proportioned in equal measurements.

*Actually I have thought about it for the last hour to be honest..*

Anyway, I have only found three! I’m going to leave the Vodka & Coke out on this list guys as i’m going to say two ingredients is NOT a cocktail. Plus my 50:50 ratio Vodka to Coke is open to debate. By all means let’s start a debate about any new drinks you would like to add. Remember, try and keep personal preference out of this one. Just because you like a Blood & Sand a lil’ heavier on the Scotch, the recipe does not need it.

I guess ‘need’ is the operative word here. Does that drink recipe obviously need a tweak? Most do. Anyway here’s my equal parts hall of fame..
‘Blood & Sand’

• 3cl Orange Juice
• 3cl Rosso Vermouth
• 3cl Cherry Heering
• 3cl Scotch (dealer’s choice)

‘Negroni’

• 3cl Rosso Vermouth
• 3cl Gin
• 3cl Campari

‘Last Word‘

• 3cl Gin
• 3cl Lime Juice
• 3cl Marascino Liq.
• 3cl Chartreuse

drinktheshitoutofthem..

Ice, you can be my wingman any time...

I have also just had enough time to fall victim to the new craze sweeping American men, called ‘Icing’. I’m still not sure whether this is a fantastic guerrilla marketing campaign by Diageo, or a college stunt that’s hit the big time but I love it! So here are the rules…

1. When a fellow man is confronted by another with a Smirnoff Ice, the receiver must take a knee and chug the beverage.

No if’s, no but’s. Doesn’t matter what time of day or situation, a man will always be now judged on his ability to drink chilled – or in cruel circumstances, warm – citrus, vodka RTD’s. That’s it.

Last night I was iced for the first time by a N.Y friend named Dan. Thanks mate, genius..

Ice away, and drinktheshitoutofit..

No, I’m not talking about the extra strands of hair creeping onto my shoulders or diminishing ability to convince women to spend a night with me. *Wait a second, was i ever good at that? Probably not. I’m talking about my attitude towards cocktail experimentation and attitude towards what i call, Artisan bartending.

No it's not made from Kangaroo's

A few years ago when i was plying my trade at, in my opinion Australia’s best bar, Black Pearl I had no qualms what so ever in spending my days off cooking up flavoured curds, char-smoking bananas, distilling my own ouzo and taking my bar-cookery skills to new levels.

Australian bartenders have a incredible imagination and this is usually reflected in their cocktail menus. I believe it all started 8-9 years ago with the likes of Sebastian Reaburn and Sam Ross at the late-and great Ginger cocktail bar in Fitzroy. Their use of ingredients rarely found in cocktails such as squid ink in an adaption of the Dirty Martini was stuff of legend.

It inspired the likes of myself and many others around the country to hunt out ingredients that were uncommon and original. Mainly because they were the only guys winning cocktail competitions back then.

A few years on after many a great experimentation with foreign ingredients (lavender, mascarpone, jams) , and after a lot of unsuccessful attempts (peanut butter!?) the Australian bar scene had to move forward and the only way was to start using homemade ingredients such as flavored syrups and homemade preserves.

Bartenders all around the globe still spend their days off concocting their own liqueurs and making their own bespoke ingredients for their drinks. This is where I have changed. Do I still do that? No. Have i lost inspiration since leaving the passionate Melbourne scene, and diving into the cynical too-cool-for-school attitude that many London bartenders have towards experimentation? Maybe.

Or maybe I just think my elderflower liqueur will not be as good as the commercial brands found in stores?

You see i’ve been working at Milk & Honey. A place where the skill of the bartender lies in being given a bottle of Chartreuse and five other ingredients and being told to make four different drinks. That takes skill. I do, however miss the experimentation and artistic flair needed to win an Australian cocktail competition. I’d like to think I havn’t lost it.

I know in about a years time ill be thrust back into the Australian bar scene with a wealth of knowledge and worldly experience at my disposal. Perhaps gone are the days of me making smoked banana and saffron sours for Bourbon comps (I thought it was a good idea at the time), but i don’t mind that. I’m a classics boy now and that’s usually reflected in my drinks. For last years Bartender of the year comp I entered a drink, which i thought at the time, was a bit crazy.

An aperitif cocktail with port and no base spirit. I gave this spec to an old Australian bartender friend and he said he was impressed with its simplicity. SIMPLICITY!? I was trying to be wacky!! Oh well, here it is….

“Precursory Cocktail”
3.5cl Tawny Port
3.5cl Antica Formula
2 Sp 1 to 1 Gomme
1 Sp Lemon Juice
2 dash Angostura bitters
2 dash fee’s orange bitters
Shaky, shaky really hard. Garnish with peel of small lemon.

drinktheshitoutofit.

You want a Long island Ice Tea? I think not...

His point is simple. If you are too up yourself, have no regard for being ‘hospitable’ in the hospitality industry, you are rubbish. If your chat is dry, un-entertaining, non-engaging you are rubbish. I think it’s a strong point. A bartender with funny, strong, entertaining chat will always be a better bartender than a drone who pumps out perfect Manhattans. Full Stop.

This reminds me of certain past winners of “Bartender of the Year” awards that are widely regarded in their respective countries industry’s as being twats. Here they are……..

Just kidding! But you know who they are. The guys that dedicate their lives to dehydrating unicorn tears to put in their award winning drinks served from the stomach lining of a goat – because that’s how they did it before glassware, yet still lack the ability to make a person feel welcome when they come into their venue. I’m sorry, these guys are not great bartenders. I guess this post is a tip of the hat to every guy or girl out there that hasn’t forgotten they are in a service industry. It’s a nod to every publican that drives their pissed regulars home after they pass out in the bathroom.

To every up-and-coming mixologist that treats every customer like a king but still doesn’t know how to make sugar syrup. To every one of my incredibly witty, happy-go-lucky, hospitable, knowledgeable, bartender buddies that could of wiped the floor with me or anyone in a “Bartender of the Year” competition, but either forgot the cut-off date, couldn’t be arsed or was just too plain busy looking after their bars and their customers to enter. I salute you, keep it up.

Barkeep, don’t be a prat, at the end of the day all we do is make drinks and get people drunk. That’s it. Leave your ego at home..

Here’s a drink i’ve made with unicorn tears for you all to enjoy…

The guys responsible for spreading the word

Here’s a great drink to mark the occasion. It’s history is dubious. Basically I’m sure I invented it for a then-bartender from the acclaimed Bramble in Edinburgh named Chris Stock. He visited Milk & Honey one evening and demanded a refreshing drink utilising Calvados. I obliged with this bad-boy that was based around a drink called a Lazy-Man Flip, which also uses the Port/Calvados combination. My bar manager at the time, David Hobbs, came to me the next week with a great idea for a drink. A Port/Calvados Cobbler. Coincidence or what!? Anyway we both claim it, although I know i’m right. Chris Stock is now working in the award winning Melbourne bar, Golden Monkey. Go in there and ask him for yourself… Oh, and for the name – The Boston Cobbler – I’m not telling you, Google it yourself. You have been warned…

Boston Cobbler

2.5cl Calvados
2.5cl Ruby Port
1cl Orange Curacao
2 dash Peychaud Bitters
1cl Gomme
1pc pineapple
1pc orange
1pc lemon

Muddle fruit, add liquor, shaky shaky and serve tall over crushed ice
drinktheshitoutofit..

Want to mix drinks but don't have a glass? Simple use your mouth..

The Seasonaire is a peculiar and curious creature. One who can freely devote a period of up to six months of their life to living without personal luxuries I personally could not. OK, so perhaps some of these people do not hold in high regard the things I could not live without.

Extra virgin olive-oil, Jamon Iberico, duck fat, Japanese whisky all come to mind. These people can easily live a life of minimalistic satisfaction. Am I envious of this simplistic ability to not be reliant on material pleasures? No. I like having money to spend on nice meat and wine that’s not from a cask. (Sorry, very Un-Australian of me there…Goon. That’s better.) At the same time I admire these people for being able to live out a life dream.

The life of a nomadic wave catcher in summer, powder-plowers in winter. Sounds great on paper doesn’t it? Anyway, good on you kids for doing what you love. For me, I’m going to continue spending my wage on delicious left-bank Bordeaux’s and legs of Lamb in the big smoke.

I’m going to finish today’s blog with a cocktail recipe that has been selling like hot cakes here at my bar, The Clubhouse, this winter. Being incredibly sick of seeing Vin Chaud (mulled wine) on every corner here in the Alps I decided to take the humble bottle of dry cider and p.i.m.p it up a wee bit in a mulled cider sty-lee.. For my southern hemisphere friends the season in almost upon you to dust off your coffee steamers in preparation for some hot drinks. For my friends in London, well, it’s always bloody cold so have one of these anyway. Hope you enjoy..

Apple-Apple-Apple-Absinthe Toddy

3cl Calvados
5cl Dry Cider
3cl Cloudy Apple Juice
1.5cl Runny-Honey
1cl French Absinthe
Fingernail of Unsalted butter

Heat with steaming wand on coffee machine
Garnish with grated cinnamon. Drinktheshitoutof..

Tim’s regular blog is called Drinktheshitoutofit – check it out here