BarLifeUK will be on-site at the Portobello Star tonight, posting results of the Alternative Bar Awards as they are announced.
8pm: We are here, the bar is filling up and the drinks are flowing.
9pm: Jake Burger has just appeared in a black sparkly jacket. The bar is packed. Lift off is iminent.
9:10: Opening remarks from Jake. Some Australia-bashing and Nightjar whale skin gags.
9:14: Best Gay. Noms Joe McCanta, Ali Dedianco, Andy Bishop, Joe Stokeo. Winner Andy Bishop
9:16: worst toilets: noms Trailer Happiness, Mojo Manchester, The Alibi. Winner – tte alibi
9:18: best newcomer: toby @ Lonsdale, seb hamilton mudge, Luca @ Quo Vadis. Winner: seb hamilton mudge
9:21: most tolerable foreigner: noms: fabrice pierre limon, jeffery morgan, michael menegos, stuart mcluskey. Winner: Fabrice
9:24: least torerable foreigner noms brian van flanden, philip duff, stuart hudson. Winner stu hudson
9:28: look at me im a hipster noms jake blanch, nick and georgia van tiel, joe gunner. Winner mr and mrs van tiel
9:31: biggest assets: noms emily wheldon, metinee @ 42 below, charli davis. Winner charli davis
9:31: most active in our industry. Noms russel burgess, ron jeremy, stu mcclusky, jack hubbard. Winner jack hubbard
9:39: crying like a baby. American and australia, andy ives. Winner our very own andy ives
9:42: worst tattoo. Noms Michael stringer, alexx m, pj jaurre, 56 twata who got employees only tattoos in new orleans. Winner pj jaurre
9:45: stupidest name: noms: shervene shabazcardi, metinne kingkongcarrilla, steve schneiderhavingalaugharentya, zdennekkkkkk kastnnnekkkkekk. Winner: metinee ‘may’ 42belowarilla.
9:48: shut up and make a fucking negroni: rod eslnmieh, guiseppe gonsalez, tony conigliaro, gareth evans. Winner: gareth evans.
9:53: drinks to die for…: the artesian, the connaught bar, employees only, bar bigh five. Winner: oscars of chester
10:00: the tom sandham memorial award: noms: drinks international, all of the bloggers, ben mcfarland: winner: all of the bloggers.
10:16: ex-pat award. No noms just a winner mr gaz ‘i’m 61 you know’ regan
10:17: fittest rep: noms camile oooh la la, blanca breton, rebecca courvoisier, gareth geno, fabrice pierre michel limon. Winner gareth geno
10:22: nicest piece: noms erik lorincz, tom foxwell, peter dorelli, fabrice limon. Winner peter dorelli
10:29: Lifetime underachivement award. No noms just a winner jamie kimber
That’s it folks, another year of pretending to be humiated but secretly feeling quite for proud for getting a nomination or win. we are sorry for poor spelling, grammar and general journalistic shoddiness, but, you know, it would be boring any other way…