On paper, this is a one sided fight…
‘IIIIIIIIIIInnnn the blue corner, weighing 256 pounds, the saffron coloured murderer of imbalance….
25 percent and looking every ounce of evil, he dragged the Negroni out of sicklyville, beat orange juice into an aperitif, you got a drink?
You ain’t got a drink unless you got him in it brother.
The Don King of the drink world, the lover, brother and mother of every self respecting, non denigrating, bartender of ANY repute. Ill, Bill, Nil by Mouth Campari!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And in the red corner…
Weighing 75 pounds soaking wet, 11 percent and looking more and weaker by the minute is the Italian stallion, fed on rhubarb and not much else…. The one… The only… (And let’s thank the Big Man for that) The Big bad troll Aperoooooollllllll!!!!!!!!!!
Or have we jumped to conclusions here?
Let’s look at Rocky as a template…
Rocky I – Apollo Creed (Campari) vs. Rocky (Aperol)
Campari thinks it can’t be beat by the young pretender Aperol because its strength is in doubt, however, as a cocktail ingredient; a slightly less imposing volume is welcomed…. Divided opinion so therefore…
Rocky II – Apollo Creed (Campari) vs. Rocky (Aperol)
Campari realises Aperol can’t be beaten on ABV alone so tries to out dance, outbox and quite frankly embarrass Aperol. However, Mickey (Aperols lovely bitter notes) lifts it to a point that it can compete in the ring, and strike a similar blow….. Accompanied by a slamming soundtrack, and awesome final scene…. Aperol and Campari knock each other out, but Aperol manages to get up before the ten count…
WIN FOR APEROL
Rocky III – Clubber Lang (Campari) vs. Rocky (Aperol)
Aperol is king of the world, but once again, Campari comes back… Bigger, stronger and redder. After a tear up where Campari is clearly stronger (11% can’t compete with 25%) and gets knocked out, Aperol goes back to its strengths. And when it does, MAN you don’t wanna be Mr T… I Mean Campari… Aperol uses its higher reserves of quinine and whatnot (I’m running out of boxing analogies) and wins the day. However, overall…
Rocky IV – Ivan Drago (Campari) vs. Rocky (Aperol) & Apollo Creed (Aperol)
Ok, you don’t want to be Aperol in this film…. Have you seen Campari? We’ve all seen Apollo die and Ivan say ‘If he dies, he dies’ Brrrr. Campari is a big hitter in this industry so whatever happened it’s gonna be a….
WIN FOR CAMPARI
Rocky V – Tommy Gunn (Campari) vs. Rocky (Aperol)
I have no idea how to wrap this one up, Tommy Gunn was rubbish, and I don’t want to tie Campari into that. Ok, I’ve got it, Campari was the favourite once he won the world championship, Aperol was the poor mans champion… But push Aperol into a corner and Mickey (Bitter notes) is gonna shout ‘Get up you son of a bitch cause Mickey loves ya’, Knock Campari out and finish the film.
WIN FOR APEROL
So there you have it. Judges decision 2 to 1. I can’t think of a fairer way to decide it…..
Rocky 6 you say?
Aperol comes out of retirement, knocks around Antico Formula for a bit, and loses on decision.
Make your own mind up.